Monday, June 30, 2008

Top Ten Chicago Baseball Quotes (Good, Bad, Awesome)

These are my top ten baseball quotes said about Chicago baseball or said by Chicago baseball players and broadcaster.

10. Ken “Hawk” Harrelson 
Baseball is the only sport I know that when you are on offense the other team controls the ball. 

This would be the first and last sane statement of Hawk’s career.

9. Alvin Dark

Every player should be accorded the privilege of at least one season with the Chicago Cubs. That's baseball, as it should be played - in God's own sunshine. And that's really living.

Couldn’t have said it better than myself.

8. Harry Caray

Aw, how could he (Jorge Orta) lose the ball in the sun, he's from Mexico.

Would you like a little racism with your hot dog?

7. Albert Belle on going to the White Sox

Going to a new team is like going to a new high school. Nobody knows you. It's a chance to rebuild your image. 

How’d that work out for you, Albert?

6. Harry Caray 

What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series? No Cubs.

Damn you Harry!

5. Albert Belle

RBIs win games; and they can make you a ton of money.

God, I love Albert Belle.

4. Jack Brickhouse

Any team can have a bad century.

Yeah, yeah, yeah…

3. Ernie Banks

I like my players to be married and in debt. That's the way you motivate them.

Do you think that would work for bloggers…well, without the wife thing, of course.

2. Leo Durocher

Some guys are admired for coming to play, as the saying goes. I prefer those who come to kill.

Half of me wishes Durocher raised me to be the biggest badass ever, but the other half of me really liked the new Death Cab album.

1. Jack Brickhouse

I imagine myself as the broadcaster for a Cubs-White Sox World Series, a Series that would last seven games, with the final game going extra innings before being suspended because of darkness at Wrigley Field.

We can only pray...

Honorable Mentions
“Andre Dawson has a bruised knee and is 
listed as day-to-day. Aren't we all?” - Vin Scully
"It's a great day for a ball game; let's play two!" - Ernie Banks
"God knows I gave my best in baseball at all times and no man on earth can truthfully judge me otherwise." - Shoeless Joe Jackson

Top Ten Things Learned From Crosstown Classic

After an up and down two weekends of baseball (unless you root for both teams like Danny Sheridan) interleague play and the "Crosstown Classic" is done for another season. Although I dislike interleague play after 10 years its probably time I get used to it and accept it for what it is; a cash cow. As the White Sox and Cubs both remain in first place here are ten things that fans learned about their teams as the stretch run begins.

10. It takes a 25 man roster to win a title

Now this may seem like a "dumb point" but the importance of depth and managerial approach was in full effect for both weekend series. Both teams were missing star sluggers in Alfonso Soriano and Paul Konerko yet managed to put up at least 21 runs in their home stands, meaning a balanced offensive effort. We also saw the emergence of younger players like Eric Patterson in weekend one, and Alexei Ramirez in weekend two. It's going to take a team effort to reach the division title.

9. The crowd was way too tame this year

Having been to at least one Cubs-Sox game every season and over 30 total I can confidently say that this season saw the tamest version of the crowd that I have been apart of. Now granted I really don't care what the Cubs do the rest of the season but it's fun to good-naturedly bicker back and forth over a few beers about some baseball. Not much of that seemed to be going on this weekend, even after sweeps in both series. It was as if both fan bases want the division and bigger things more than a stupid interleague play series, a refreshing thought.

8. The Freddy the Mercenary Curse

My colleague and die-hard Cubs fan Freddy the Mercenary posted Friday about how the Cubs would once again sweep the White Sox. Well obviously that wasn't the case and to make matters worse Fred once requested the month of October off to "watch the Cubbies in the World Series" back in late May. If it doesn't happen, just don't say I didn't warn ya.

7. The joy that is Alexei Ramirez

I find it utterly impossible to not call Ramirez my favorite White Sox player and I know plenty of other fans who feel the same way. The 26-year-old Cuban defect is having a tremendous rookie season and continually makes fantastic plays at second base while also hitting .372 in the month of June.

6. Aramis Ramirez: What Happened?

After going on an absolute tear in series one, Aramis managed to go 0-13 in the series on the South Side to drop his road batting average to a very mediocre .247. With Derrek Lee producing some good games in this series he had to have someone like Daryle Ward (coming off the DL) or Ramirez produce behind him to win and that didn't happen.

5. Little things win ballgames

While I have been in awe a lot of times with the Cubs ability to do little things to win games this weekend they made a lot of mental mistakes. Sunday in particular saw Fukudome throw to third base when Dye would clearly make it, allowing Thome into second base, as well as two guys getting doubled off of second base on lineouts. Now lineouts can be a thing of luck, but for the same thing to basically happen twice is inexcusable. Lou Pinella also seems particularly disgusted with the Cubs play this week as he only seems to explode when they are playing poorly. With six games on the road this week it will be interesting to see how the Cubs play.

4. Both teams need another arm (or two)

It is obvious that both teams need add at least an arm or two before October in order to compete. The Cubs need another frontline starter like C.C. Sabathia to close out their rotation while the White Sox likely need another arm in the pen and possibly another starter. While both pitching staffs have been good by and large injuries happen and players lose their arms. Sox set-up guys Octavio Dotel and Scott Linebrink have both struggled in the second half of seasons before so that is something to watch for.

3. Home Runs, Home Runs, Home Runs

Home runs will carry these teams as far as they can go. Without true lead-off hitters the Cubs and Sox often rely on their big bats to drive in runs in their hitter friendly parks. Although not armed with a "traditional lead-off hitter" both the Cubs and Sox do have guys who can post good at bats and see a lot of pitches. Fukudome and DeRosa in particular do a good job in this department for the Cubs (exemplified by DeRosa's outstanding at-bat that resulted in a double off Bobby Jenks Sunday) and Nick Swisher is leading the American League in pitches seen per at-bat even though his average still hovers around .240. You need guys like this to wear down pitchers, get on base and be there for your big guns to deliver.

2. Look over your shoulder, here comes trouble

The Twins, Tigers, Cardinals and Brewers all start this morning within five games of our beloved Chicago teams. As I mentioned earlier in my fans seemed tame point, it was as if both fans cared more about holding off the divisional opponents then winning a basic crosstown series. Of course it was nice to get a little revenge on the Cubs but it was more important to stay ahead of the Twins then anything. And Cubs fans, if Ned Yost somehow learns to manage a pitching staff and bullpen (very unlikely, but humor me) then this could be a very interesting race.

1. The Cubs and Sox are both mediocre on the road

To get to the World Series it will take some road wins to get there. Good teams win on the road and after watching both the north side and south side look mostly helpless for some games it is safe to say that the road has been an unkind place. The Cubs now stand 16-23 on the road while the White Sox aren't much better at 19-24. Now only the Angels are dominating on the road but it remains an important point that you need to close out opponents at their ballpark to be an elite team. This week in particular could make for an interesting week for the Cubs as they have six games away from Wrigley Field. Let the hunt for October begin!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Top Ten Ways John Paxson Could Screw Up This Draft

It's here.

The NBA Draft is tonight and all of Chicago will be watching intently as the Bulls take the national stage with the first overall pick. With all the rumors and innuendo floating around, I'm more nervous than ever that General Manager John Paxson will somehow find a way to screw things up.

After thinking about it, here are the Top Ten Ways John Paxson Could Screw Up This Draft.

10. Time for Advice

Paxson brings Jerry Krause in for advice and ends up swapping the pick for a pair of seven footers that can’t rebound, defend, shoot, pass or give effort at any time.

I’m thinking Krause is somewhere trying to figure out how to parlay the number one pick, Ben Gordon, Luol Deng and Benny the Bull into a mega deal for Patrick O’Bryant and Kwame Brown.

You're scared because you know he'd pull the trigger in less time than it takes for him to suck down a Krispy Kream donut.

9. Call in the Big Guns

While trying to deal with the immense pressure of making the right call, Paxson calls Bull owner Jerry Reinsdorf in for help and he gets down to business negotiating with prospective players’ agents.

By the time he’s made his decision, it’s October and the Bulls are stuck with a foreign born player that’s never played a minute of professional basketball and won’t be ready to join the team until 2016.

8. Stay the Course

Feeling content with the roster he has, Paxson deals the number one pick for a haul of veteran role players resembling P.J. Brown and exclaims he now has all the pieces of the puzzle.

If he could only figure out how to pry Clifford Robinson away from the Trailblazers, this team would be unstoppable….after nap time of course.

7. Follow the Celtics' Lead

As we all know, Paxson missed out big time on landing Kevin Garnett last year. He watched helplessly as Garnett was traded to the Celtics, put alongside Ray Allen and Paul Pierce, absolutely dominate the Eastern Conference and win the NBA Championship.

Not this year.

Pax decides to go for broke and swing a pair of deals that brings Antawn Jamison and Grant Hill to the Bulls. In related news, Bulls trainer Fred Tedeschi receives the biggest raise in NBA history.

6. The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Paxson selects Rose and presents him with a custom made Bulls motorcycle that is the fastest street bike ever created. After handing him the keys, Paxson points out a particularly nice area to practice wheelies and tells Rose not to worry because riding a motorcycle is perfectly acceptable to the Bulls and not prohibited by his contract.

5. Mentor = Success

Today Paxson will announce the Bulls have managed to acquire Stephon Marbury in hopes he will be able to mentor the young Derrick Rose.

Marbury already has a lesson plan that includes how to miss an open teammate, chuck up ridiculous three-pointers with 23 seconds left on the shot clock, backstab teammates and how to under mind your coach.

4. Undeniable Favor

Michael Jordan calls Paxson and reminds him that he would be absolutely nothing without him and demands the first overall pick in exchange for a lifetime supply of Air Jordans and a freight truck filled with Michael Jordan cologne.

3. These are my Confessions

Vinny DelNegro calls Paxson today to confess he has absolutely no idea about how to coach a basketball team. Paxson assures him not to worry because he’s been running the Bulls for years and still has no idea what he’s doing.

To prove his point Paxson drafts Anton Ponkrashov from Russia and laughs as fans and reporters have a collective heart attack.

Del Negro feels much better.

2. Talk About Your All-Time Backfires

Hearing the rumors regarding the Heat’s fondness for O.J. Mayo, Paxson decides to take the USC freshman first overall to block this from happening and is impressed with his shrewd business decision.

For the first time ever, Pat Riley’s hair breaks loose from its decade slumber coated in crazy glue to stand on end before taking Derrick Rose.

John Paxson is confused.

1. Plain and Simple


There is no joke to be made here. If John Paxson does not select Derrick Rose you will officially be able to buy my services as a fan because I will no longer be supporting this franchise.

Bidding starts at $1.00

Check out the rest of TTCS' NBA Draft Coverage:

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Top ten things to know about Derrick Rose

10. Rose is the consensus top-rated player in the draft

Rose-Beasley isn't as exciting as Oden-Durant, apparently.

9. He led Simeon to back-to-back state titles

Rose will probably lose more in his first month as a Bull than he did in this last two years of high school and one year of college combined.

He’ll "do anything" to win

Worth noting.

7. He's petrified of needles

...but he has tattoos, right? Whatever.

6. Rose made the game-winning shot to clinch the state title his junior year

Around the same time, Michael Beasley was roughly on high school number 12.

Missed a potential championship-winning free throw against Kansas

We gotta put the bad with the good.

He and Marcus Jordan date twin sisters

Those girls know what they're doing.

He loves candy

Trust me, this is the only thing Rose and Jerry Krause have in common.

2. Rose has been compared to Dwyane Wade, Gary Payton, Baron Davis, and Jason Kidd

While Beasley has been compared to Derrick Coleman. So Pax, who do you want?

1. He plays awesome in the biggest games of his entire life.

From his game in high school against Oak Hill and Arizona-bound Europe-bound star Brandon Jennings to his stellar performance in the NCAA tournament, Rose knows when to step up.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Top Ten Santo and Hawk Quotes

Friday, I watched the Cubs/Sox game on TV and checked in with Mr. “Hawk” Harrelson for a couple innings before taking the eraser end of the pencil I was using to my ears. On Saturday, I decided that wasn’t enough pain for one series and while driving back and forth from Chicago to Rockford all weekend for the baseball team I coach, I got my fair share of “interesting” broadcasting from Mr. Ron Santo. Anyway, Santo and Harrelson have taken their fair share of criticism over the years for being homers and clowns. So here are the top ten Santo/Hawk quotes.

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5. Roots for no side

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Santo's has one reaction to a good play for the Cubs...and that is to absolutely lose his mind. He is by far the biggest fan the Cubs have and it takes away from his "broadcasts."

4. Making sense

Oh, they'll go back, absolutely. Absolutely. Hey, they didn't stop coming, and that's a big thing.

I literally have no idea what this is saying…

3. Making sense (again)

It's much more difficult to do now. The pitching is diluted and so more home runs are hit. That makes that category, at least, a lot more competitive.

My brain hurts.

2. Problem Solver

That billy goat, ever since that came in, crazy things have happened. I've said it before, if we don't win in my lifetime, when I die, I'm going to find that [expletive] billy goat and kill him.

Hmmm…I wonder what he wants to do to Bartman?

1. His ability to handle tough situations


Maybe the best Santo-ism ever. These were the famous words that came out of Santo when Brant Brown dropped the lazy fly ball in Milwaukee. Top-notch broadcasting.


5. He is well versed in the intricacies of the rulebook.

I'll guarantee you, this will be one protest that's upheld.

This was his reaction to the obstruction call against the Cubs. Actually Hawk, it didn’t get upheld and in fact the umpires got the call right. But at least you showed your knowledge of the rules.

4. Hawk understands that his playing days are over

The use of we and us

Hawk believes he is actually part of the team on the field. I am not sure he realizes his broadcast have no affect on the outcome of the game…

3. His poetic story telling

My behind was so tight you couldn't pull a greased tee from it.

Prove it.

2. His ability to be fair

Yeah but he got the hit that really hurt us, that little duck fart double.

I wish he would just be an announcer. I understand rooting for the team that you are broadcasting for, but really? Duck fart? That is how you want to represent yourself and your team? Duck fart?

1. Modesty

The point is not to be the first person to say something, but to be the first person remembered for saying something.

We know, but we really don’t want to hear it first from you anymore.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Top Ten Chicago series performances

This weekend could not have turned out any worse for Sox fans. Game 1 on Friday was actually a good one, and while the Sox lost and while they squandered multiple scoring chances, things looked relatively positive. Saturday's affair was a disaster for the Southside and Monday was not any better. If this happened when the two teams meet in the World Series, as many experts ignorantly stated, Sox-dome would have been left in a pile of embarrassment that would have stung a lot harder than the '05 victory did for Cubbie Nation. With all that aside, lets talk about the top ten performers of the weekend.

10. Jason Marquis

Courtesy of:

While his pitching wasn’t overwhelming (seven IP, five runs) what he did at the plate more than made up for it. His fourth inning base hit sparked the rally of all rallies, leading to the eventual nine runs that would cross the plate in that half-inning. He would actually go 2-for-4 on the day, which was better than Cabrera, AJP and Crede combined. Awesome.

9. Carlos Quentin

Courtesy of:

His 3-for-4 Saturday was nice, even though the losing wasn’t. His two other hits, one on Friday and another on Sunday, gave him better hitting numbers than the majority of the other Sox hitters.

8. Ryan Theriot

Courtesy of:

The running riot played above average baseball this weekend, getting four hits and scoring a run. I don’t know, just not a whole lot to say about Ryan. I think I liked him more when calling him “The Riot” was cool, then I heard my Mom calling him that, so that spoiled the fun. (My Mom jokes are done, I promise.)

7. Jim Edmonds

Courtesy of:

Edmonds would have been higher if he had one more hit somewhere in the weekend. But his two-homer fourth inning was enough to get him on the list and if I had a “best innings of the weekend” Edmonds would for sure top the charts. The highlight of the weekend for me was when Ozzie said on Saturday night how he would rather pitch to Edmonds any day over Soriano, then proceeded to intentionally walk him on Sunday. While it may have been tactical, it may have been the first thing Ozzie has ever done wrong in my eyes.

6. Dewayne Wise

Courtesy of:

Ok, I am not going to lie, I have not been on top of my game lately. But does that excuse me when I ask people “Who is Dewayne Wise?” By default I realized he was the call-up when Konerko went on the DL instead of our favorite Josh Fields and our least favorite Jerry Owens. But aside from a few times he hesitated on throwing the ball in from center, he was actually pretty solid. He hit a two-run homer Saturday, and draw a few walks. And he went 2-for-4 on Sunday with a rare Sox stolen base. I really hope he can become reliable enough to put at the top of the order, giving the Southside some much-needed speed.

5. Ryan Dempster

Courtesy of:

While 10 hits allowed is very deceiving, Dempster was stellar at Wrigley on Sunday. Improving his record to 9-0 at the Friendly Confines, Dempy was in control for eight innings, allowing only one run on four strikeouts and one walk. What is going to happen when they have substantially more games on the road the second half of the season? We’ll get to see his stuff again this Saturday at Comiskey.

4. Derrek Lee

Courtesy of:

D-Lee was overshadowed by another member in the heart of the Cubs order, but none the less, Lee was his usual self. He had five hits on the weekend, one of which was a homer to go along with is four RBI and four runs. Too bad the firstbase position is stacked in the NL, or Lee would probably be headed to New York for the All-Star Break.

3. Jermaine Dye

Courtesy of:

Dye was the only Sox who excelled this weekend and without his stellar job at the dish, things would have been even pitiful (even more pitiful). He had a homer on Friday. Saturday included a go-ahead two-run homer in the fourth and three RBI on the day. And Sunday he went 2-for-4 with a double and the lone run.

2. Eric Patterson

Courtesy of:

Zach Martin’s favorite Patterson may have showed in one weekend that he is better than his older brother Corey. Saturday’s 3-for-5 performance with an RBI and two runs may have been overshadowed by Sunday’s game where he hit his first ML homer, which would prove to be the game-winner. A new nemesis for Sox fans has arisen and if he keeps his up, Reed Johnson and Edmonds may be out of some PT. He also adds a tremendous nuisance for pitchers when on the base path, as Contreres had no idea how to work with him on first.

1. Aramis Ramirez

Courtesy of:

Aramis came out of the weekend as the hottest hitter in baseball, absolutely smashing the cover off the ball. Ramirez had four homers, eight RBI and two hits in every game on the weekend, showing Contreres and Linebrink they had better not throw him any weak hangers next weekend. He must have seen that the Trib’s Phil Rogers put Joe Crede at the hot corner on his all-city team. The Sox paid for his mistake.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Top Ten Anti-Cub, Anti-White Sox T-Shirts

Tomorrow, it begins.

The weekend that forces every Chicagoan to take sides in the battle for baseball supremacy and more importantly, bragging rites.

Cubs - Sox. Round 1.

Friendships are forgotten and family ties are severed for the next three days. Trash talking is at an all time high and when Wrigley Field starts filling up with fans from both teams, things escalate quickly.

The shirt on your very back can provide the opening shot in the war games of trash talking, and here are the Top Ten Anti-Cubs, Anti-Sox shirts you may see this weekend.


So true, so true.


Not really a shot at Sox fans directly, but anytime you can throw out 'Fukudome You' is a solid first stone in a Cubs-Sox argument.


I sat here for awhile trying to figure out why I kept thinking of Z-Dubs when I saw this shirt. You rock this T and I guarantee you'll be throwing drunken punches by sundown.


There are quite a few variations to this, but really can you argue its message? With a case of Old Style in your system, I'm sure all Cubs fans would agree you sure the F*%# could.


Simple and direct, this shirt really doesn't need explanation. Now Sox fans, don't get your mullets in a twist, it's just good clean fun.






This shirt never gets old to me. Insulting Wrigley pisses off Cubs fans faster than Alfonso Soriano loses a ball in the sun. It's automatic, just like (insert your own Brant Brown joke here).


Lil' Jimmy, you're a wanted man on the South Side. We go after 80-year-old coaches regularly, don't think for a second we won't mess up a little kid.


Wear this proudly, but wear it with eyes in the back of your head.
Cubs fans hate winners and you should know it by now.

Next Thursday, we'll be bringing out Part II of this list and we need you to send in pictures of your favorite anti-Cubs or anti-Sox t-shirts!

Send them to

Top Ten Things Learned From the NBA Finals

The NBA Finals were covered with tons of storylines. The “Big Three”,