Thursday, January 24, 2008

Top Ten Chicago-born athletes

Our list of top ten Chicago-born 'math'letes is do out sometime in the spring.



10. Henry Rowengartner

I know what you’re thinking: Thomas Ian Nicholas was so much better in ‘A Kid in King Arthur’s Court.’ Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait until next week to see our top ten list of little leaguers who went on to become medieval heroes. Still, Rowengartner sneaks on to this list on the shear merits of making a doctor say “funky butt-loving…”. That was golden.

9. Tim Hardaway
Hardaway's insensitive remarks about homosexuals nearly go him booted off this list before I remembered he was on the cover of NBA Live 98', a totally sweet v-game if there ever was one. Anyways, bigot, schmigot: that killer crossover was tight, yo!

8. Simeon Rice
Our first of three Mount Carmel High grads, Rice starred in the area as both a prep and a collegian. His 16-sack junior season is perhaps the most prolific year ever had by a University of Illinois defender.

7. Coach K

The architect of the least likable college program the world has ever seen, Coach K made his mark in Chicago long before ever receiving his first American Express card. Along the way, he's snatched up some of his hometown's top prep ballers, everyone from Corey Maggette to Jon Scheyer. This season, Krzyzweski once again has Duke near the top of the polls with a 15-1 record. If his team can stay healthy- and it will be difficult with Greg Paulus mysteriously crashing to the floor without contact so often- Coach K may have a shot at his fourth national title.

6. Dwyane Wade
Despite constantly pleading with Charles Barkley to be in his '5'- honestly, who wants Chaz Barkley calling them all the time?- Wade makes the list on the merits of beings one the NBA's best ballers and seemingly being all-around swell dude. Though we do worry for him- as he starts to get older it will be harder to live by his motto of "fall down seven, stand up eight". Just looking out for ya, bro.

5. Quentin Richardson

Before claiming his throne as the NBA's least efficient starter, Richardson was a hometown icon. He led what some believe to be the greatest high school squad in Chicago history-1998 Whitney Young- to a state title and then made his mark at DePaul. After two seasons with the Blue Demons, grabbing more rebounds then anyone thought possible for a 6'4 power forward, Q-Rich departed for the NBA where he was a first round draft pick. Richardson loses points on this list for marrying Brandy but gains points for appearing in Van Wilder and doing that cool fist-head double tap thing with Darius Miles.

4. Isiah Thomas
True Chicagoans continue to give back to their community and Thomas did just that when he forked over two first round draft picks for Eddy Curry's enlarged gut and deteriorating heart. Before reaching his current status as a national punchline, Thomas starred at St. Joseph High and went on to become of the Big Ten's all-time greats at Indiana. Thomas has found himself in all kinds of trouble since- from freezing out MJ to racially insulting Larry Bird to sexually harassing interns- but he'll always be our favorite Bad Boy.

3. Donovon McNabb
In the age of 'roided up athletes, we all know the only performance-enhancer McNabb is on is Chunky Soup. McNabb is the second least intercepted quarterback of all-time, just behind my main man Neil O'Donnell, something that surely makes him appeal to possible trade suitors, like, you know, the Chicago Bears.

2. Chris Chelios
Chelios was the definition of a professional as a member of the Blackhawks, leading them to the Stanley Cup finals and winning the Norris trophy twice. If he ever retires- something we find highly unlikely- don't worry, Chelios will still be in your life. His Cheli's Chili restaurants are like a real life Stan Mikita's Donuts.

1. Dick Butkus
We usually only put players from the last 25-years on these lists, but we had to include Butkus in fear that we would kick all five of our asses simultaneously, or, ever worse, make us watch reruns of 'Hang Time'.

Honorable mention: Red Grange, Derrick Rose, George Mikan, Rodney Harrison, Corey Maggette, Sterling Sharpe, Antoine Walker, Antwaan Randle-El and Curtis Granderson

6 comments:

Matthew Olsen said...

We've got high hopes for that Gardenhoser kid....He's got perfect mechanics and won't ever break down.

- Chet 'The Rocket' Stedmund

Phil Barnes said...

How is the greatest player in College football history, Red Grange not on that list... and George Mikan was the most dominant player of the first half of the NBA existance.. other than that pretty good but I had them 1-2 on my list.

Phil Barnes said...

Just making an argument our viewers... aka Annemarie Barnes so that they could continue/start a heated discussion

Zach Martin said...

ricky poor showing

Phil Barnes said...

I liked the list rickster

Tone said...

Rosenbagger, get in there!