Friday, November 28, 2008

Top Ten Sports Stories That Need to Go Away

Well I'm sure all of you turned on Sportscenter or some other like-minded sports show and came across the same two headlines I did.

Allen Iverson Misses Practice
Stephon Marbury, Knicks may have agreement

After reading about this same crap millions of times before as well as some other "newsworthy events" I have compiled ten of these stories that won't die and why they need to go away.

10. Donovan McNabb, backup quarterback

Look, McNabb is really bad half the time and really good the other half and we have known this for 4 years. I don't need ESPNNEWS updates every time this crap changes in the most minuscule of ways.

9. Pacman Jones re-re-instatement

This story is old enough but now we have ESPN "bloggers" like Lil Wayne weighing in and saying Pacman shouldn't be allowed? Really Wayne, you have time to worry about this crap? Go back to making guest appearances on every song and trying to reunite the Hot Boyz.

8. The BCS

The BCS makes no real difference until the bowl games are decided because nobody knows how to calculate complicated computer numbers on their own and without ESPN analysts.

7. CC Sabathia and his (impending) contract

Everyone's favorite period-less ace was offered a record deal by the Yankees. Big deal, TTCS is (un)officially upping the ante and offering Sabathia more years and more money. Take that Hank!

6. Charlie Weis and his contract

Did you know Charlie Weis has a contract that nobody officially knows about and yet everyone keeps reporting on it like they do (cough) rival paper (cough)? Since that is the case TTCS is reporting that Weis has such a huge buyout because he reached a chicken wing eating incentive in his contract two weeks into his tenure which would force Notre Dame to tack on another $3 million on a potential buyout. You heard it here first.

5. Chad Ocho Cinco

So much time is wasted on this over-the-hill piece of garbage it's ridiculous. You think anyone cares about a washed up receiver on an awful team? No.

4. Brian Urlacher and baby diaper gate

Look it is not a story what Brian Urlacher let's his daughters do to his younger son, it's a story when Urlacher disappoints us with another four tackle Sunday.

3. Derrick Rose is really good

SSSSHHHHHH! Let's try to keep this as quiet as possible before other teams catch on and start quadruple teaming him.

2. LeBron James and 2010

The main page on SI and ESPN was dedicated to what LeBron James might be doing two years from now. This is the most absurd sports story of all-time and really needs to go away until at least next year.

1. Baby Mangino

I'm just kidding, I can't stay mad at you Baby Mangino.