#navbar-iframe { display:block }

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Top Ten Players to Watch for the 2009 NFL Draft

10. SS Myron Rolle
Florida State, Junior

A highly regarded prospect coming out of high school, Rolle has NFL size and speed already. Should he bolt after his junior year, he’ll be the top safety prospect in the draft.

9. OT Phil Loadholt
Oklahoma, Senior

Phil Loadholt makes Jeff Otah look like Mike Fontenot. At 6-8, 355, Loadholt is an absolute mountain of a man. Is he quick enough to play left tackle? We’ll see, but they’ll be a top slot reserved for him regardless in the 09 draft.

8. CB Malcolm Jenkins
Ohio State, Senior

Even with Vernon Gholston giving up his senior season to jump early for the NFL’s dollars, Ohio State’s defense is still going to be scary. Jenkins will be a big part of that and should be the top corner in the country.

7. OT Michael Oher
Ole Miss, Senior

The focal point of Michael Lewis’ ‘The Blind Side’, Oher’s story will only get more publicity once the draft approaches. He has prototypical size and athleticism to play left tackle, and should be a top ten selection.

6. RB CJ Spiller
Clemson, Junior

The favorite son of TTCS’s PJ Barnes, Spiller no longer has to split carries next season, now that former running mate James White is off campus. Spiller may be the fastest tailback in the country.

5. WR Michael Crabtree
Texas Tech, RS Sophomore

As a redshirt freshman in Texas Tech’s high octane offense, Crabtree set college football on fire last season. Rivals named him a first team All-American, and at 6-3, he has the type of size NFL scouts covet.

4. LB James Laurinaitis
Ohio State, Senior

Had Laurinaitis come out this season after a stellar junior campaign, it’s possible that the Patriots could have made him, and not Tennessee’s Jerod Mayo, the first linebacker selected in the 08 drat. With most of his teammates returning, Laurinaitis could be poised for a huge senior season.

3. RB Beanie Wells
Ohio State, Junior

What Maurice Clarett should have been. Wells style may remind some of (gulp) Cedric Benson, but it’s hard to argue with the numbers the Buckeyes’ runner has put up in his first two seasons in Columbus.

2. QB Matthew Stafford
Georgia, Junior

We expected Stafford to break out as a sophomore, but Georgia’s breakout season had more to do with it’s superb ground game. Look for Stafford to can control of the offense this season, and possibly make the Bulldogs the countries best team.

1. QB Tim Tebow
Florida, Junior

A lot of people don’t think Tebow can make the transition to an NFL quarterback, but we certainly don’t see why not. He has a cannon for an arm, is very mobile, and is more accurate than people give him credit for.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Top Ten Kid Athletes in Movies

Now that I am getting old, I have decided to relive the greatest moments of my childhood. My last post was an ode to the Top Ten Tag Teams (1985-90). This week I will give props to the greatest kid athletes in movies…the ones that inspired, the ones that took their teams from shit to legit, the ones that hit puberty before any other kids in town. This is my Top Ten Kid Athletes in Movies

*editors note: Only one character per movie, otherwise there would be like seven characters from "The Little Giants" and "The Mighty Ducks". Also, by kids I mean not in high school. No Jimmy Chitwood’s on this list.

10. Jarius “G-Baby” Evans – Hardball
“Kofi say, "You a cheatin' bitch.". No wait. Kofi say, "You a motherf - "”(www.boxofficeprophets.com/ hollis/hardball.asp)

G-Baby may not have been the best athlete, but he got shot and that gives him some major street cred. He was shot on the Chicago South Side. Thank God that doesn’t happen anymore. Right?

9. Mathew/Martha – Lady Bugs
“No, he's not a stranger. He's just strange.”
(www.sportsinmovies.com/ soccer/ladybugs.asp)

What is better than a really good girl soccer player? Nothing. Wrong! A really good boy soccer player, playing in the girl’s league. Mathew or Martha played in the girl’s league for coach Chester Lee (even the character that Dangerfield plays sound creepy). He methodically scored goal after goal dodging awkward yet hilarious situations on his way to getting a period for being a bitch.

8. Jaun Morales – “Big Green
(www.ultimatedisney.com/ biggreen.html)

The only reason I like this movie is because my 80’s comedy icon is in it…Steve Guttenberg (he rocks hard). However, once the group of misfits gets Morales on their team, they can do no wrong.

7. Gian Piero/Massimo – “Kicking and Screaming”
“Prima la carne, prima la carne.”(http://www.themoviespoiler.com/Spoilers/kickingandscreaming.html)

Once coach Phil Weston got these two Italian soccer saints, his team could not be stopped. Gian Piero and Massimo weaved through the defense like TTCS writer Phil Barnes weaves his way through traffic on his way to McDonalds…unstoppable.

6. Billy Heywood – “Little Big League”
“If Joe can paint a house in three hours and Sam can paint the same house in five hours, how long will it take to paint it together?”

(www.tvguide.com/movies/ little-big-league/129913)

Technically Heywood never played baseball except on the Little League diamond, but the kid made GMing and coaching look so easy that he must make this list. For many Chicago franchises, making the playoffs is a challenge and Heywood took a cellar Twins team within one sick catch by THE Ken Griffey Jr. from going to the playoffs. Here’s to you Heywood and lets hope Pax takes a page from Heywood's grandfather when he makes his coaching decision.

5. Kelly Leak – “The Bad News Bears” (1976)
“There's nice ass at the field, that's why I always hang around it.”(http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/category?blogid=22&cat=546&o=60)

This longhaired-motorcycling badass took some twisting of the arm to play ball, but when he did all he did was drop bomb after bomb…a complete stud.

4. Adam Banks – “The Mighty Ducks”
“Do me a favor. Kick some Hawk butt.”(http://yzak.nu/fan/banks/)

This “cake eater” might have been from some richy rich neighborhood but the kid could play. He was the turtleneck wearing tight-ass that Coach Gordon Bombay needed to make the “flying V” a success. Thank God they rezoned the district!

3. Henry Rowengartner – “Rookie of the Year”
“Pitcher's got a big butt! Pitcher's got a big butt!”

He might be the most annoying character on this list, but Rowengartner was the man and he pitched for the Cubs. He went from his class loser to Cubs Ace in just eight weeks (his arm had to heal properly). From striking out Bonds to the immaculate floater, Rowengartner had it all. Plus he went on later to become the guy from “American Pie.”

2. Spike – “Little Giants”
“Is Spike mistaken, but aren't you a girl?” (http://www.childrenofsalem.com/days/kids/briabrit/littlegiants1.jpg)

Can you say steroids? Spike dominated pee-wee football. Listed at 6-2, 200 (numbers may be off), Spike could tear through anything, except an Ice Box, even though he had already carried one on his back earlier in the movie. Basically Spike is everything I want in a son. If I had Spike’s size I would definitely go back to grade school and beat up the bully that picked on fellow TTCS writer Ricky O’Donnell. Maybe he wouldn’t be so mean.

1. Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez – “The Sandlot
“Anyone who wants to be a can't-hack-it pantywaist who wears their mama's bra, raise your hand.”

Benny destroyed all the kids that he played against in the Sandlot. Nobody could match his speed, power and arm strength. He stole bases without conscience and hit home runs like Ruth. Plus, Benny made the Majors and stole home…sick!

Honorable Mentions
Patrick Renna – The fat redheaded kid in “The Sandlot” and “Big Green”
Ice Box and Junior – “Little Giants”
Goldberg and Charlie Conway – “The Mighty Ducks”

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Top Ten things these Bears won’t be advertising

These are ten members of the Bears that you will not see selling a particular item.

10. Roberto Garza- Subway Sandwiches

Garza is huge. He is like three Jareds. Robby could single-handedly boost sales every time he walked into his local sandwich shop by ordering the usual; 14 foot-longs.

9. Jerry Angelo- Legal Helpers Bankruptcy

Jerry is so stingy that you would never picture him ever having to type the word “bankruptcy” into his Google search. In recent years he has made Lovie demand a new contract before last season, make Briggs proclaim he will never play in a Bears' uniform again and most recently, make the face of the city, Urlacher, upset because he wants money. I wouldn’t normally say this but just pay him Angelo.

8. Robbie Gould- American Gladiators

You can’t not like Robbie, somebody who has to be a total ladies man. But Rob didn’t get the girls because of his physique. If I got to play him one-on-one in “powerball,” it wouldn’t be close. I would own him. My little sister would own him. Running out in that little red, white and blue spandex suit would be quite a thrill for our new gladiator friend “Gouldylocks.”

7.Brian Urlacher- Trojan Condoms

There are little Brian’s everywhere. I don’t really have any more to say about this, other than he is epitome of womanizer. He makes our fellow writer Zach Martin appear as if he has never made it to first base. Brian Urlacher would be a terrible promoter for Trojan Condoms.

6. Pat McCaskey-American Idol

This is a relatively new joke lingering in the city of Chicago, but when owner Pat McCaskey sang his own rendition of “Edelweiss” to Urlacher, it might have hit a new management low. I almost sent a text message to Fox in hopes of voting him off the show.

5. Lovie Smith- Anger Management Courses

I am not going to lie, Lovie’s kinda lame. Every week we see guys like Belichick, Shanahan and whoever coaches the Raiders screaming their heads off, going nuts and looking remotely intense. Even Bob Babich screams more than he does, but then again, if I ran a defense like he did, I would be going crazy too.

4. Greg Olsen- Male Enhancement

About a year ago, the city got wind of a song created by G-reg and many others that will forever make Olsen a part of ultimate man folklore. While I will not explain what he says about his male part in his rap with “The Seventh Floor Crew,” I would hope some of you get the picture. Olsen does have music talent though, and would surely beat out McCaskey if the two ever went head-to-head in a Disney Star Search.

3. Kyle Orton- O’Doul’s

This kid can’t stay away from the bottle, so why would he advertise for a non-alcoholic beer. While rumor has it his partying has remotely decreased, it wouldn’t cross my mind if he already drinks the “O” to cure a morning hangover.

2. Lance Briggs- Progressive Auto Insurance

See Briggs’ car. See Briggs crash car. See brings flee the scene of his $200,000 Lamborghini, which is now totaled. Ya, not one of the brighter things he has ever done. While no charges were filed, I am sure the first concern was “Oh god, I should have gone with the gecko.”

1. Cedric Benson- Nike Quick

The of Nike’s new commercials begins with a scratchy voice singing “I want my money back,” which would make it incredibly ironic to put Benson in that ad because that’s how the organization is feeling at the moment. Also in the commercial, LT explains that his quick is like french toast. I haven’t the slightest clue what that means but I do know that Benson’s quick would also smell like french toast; if the ingredients to make it included rotten eggs, moldy bread, spoiled milk and a rusty pan. At least his better is better than Garrett Wolfe's better.

Photos Courtesy of:http://www.momentumsportsgroup.com/garza-bears2.jpg, http://www.chicagobusiness.com/cgi-bin/article.pl?article_id=26924http://www.mascsa.psu.edu/SAAB/thon05/thon05pawprint.htm, http://www.enterprisecharters.com/gallery.htm, http://www.chicagobears.com/news/NewsStory.asp?story_id=2974, http://blogs.chron.com/nfl/2007/02/another_grossman_interception_1.html, http://www.rapclicks.com/Blog/?cat=7, http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1686570, http://arlingtoncardinal.blogharbor.com/blog/NewsFlash/CrashVideo,http://mybearsandblackhawksblog.wordpress.com/2007/08/

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Top Ten Sports Moments in South Park

They've probably offended you at one point or another. They've probably forced you to change the channel with their offensive language. But they've also probably made you laugh out loud with their outrageous antics. Nobody is safe from being the target of South Park ridicule and that works just fine for us.

So here are the Top Ten Sports moments in South Park's 12 season run.

(If you're at work, I suggest you turn the volume down just in case.)

10. Guitar Queer-O
Season 11

It's only a small part of this hilarious episode, but the boys take a shot at Denver Broncos QB Jay Cutler that pretty much sums up how most fantasy football GM's feel about him.

9. Cow Days
Season 2

So Cartman loses his memory and thinks he's an Asian prostitute named Ming Lee. The boys take advantage of this and enter him into a bull-riding competition to win a couple of 'Terrence and Phillip" dolls.

8. Eek
Season 12

Cartman uses Bill Belichick and Spygate as the basis for a lesson plan while teaching inner city kids.

7. Wing
Season 9

In an attempt to become agents, the boys sign up Wing as their first client...as a singer. Instead of American Idol, she ends up on 'The Contender'.

6. Kyle's New Look
Season 9

In order to make the Colorado All-State basketball team, Kyle decides to, um, well, make a few changes to his appearance.
(If you're at work, I advise you to keep the volume down on this one)

5. Dodgeball
Season 2

The boys are forced to play dodge-ball in gym class and eventually Chef turns them into a team that travels to the Far East to play International Dodgeball finals.

4. Stanley's Cup
Season 10

A judge orders Stan to become a youth hockey league coach after his bike is impounded for too many parking tickets. Eventually, he promises a kid on the team who has cancer that his teammates would win the big game for him.
Little did they know, that game would be against the Detroit Red Wings.

3. "Asspen"
Season 6

Just listen to the lyrics...."We're gonna need a montage.."

2. Up the Down Steroid
Season 8

The beauty of this show is that they can say the things everyone else is afraid to.
I wonder how McGwire, Bonds and Giambi feel after watching this episode.

1. The Losing Edge
Season 9

This episode has it all. A montage to the music of 'You're the Best Around' - from The Karate Kid - a tribute to every Rocky movie ever made, and if you pay close enough attention, a little bit of Nintendo's RBI Baseball.

Top Ten Draft Prospects the Bears Should Target

10. WR Jordy Nelson
Third round

Owes 40% of his first pro contract to Wes Welker.

9. S DaJuan Morgan
Second-third round

Yeah, so maybe trading Chris Harris wasn’t such a good idea. And Achuleta…I don’t have the energy or the heart to even begin.

8. RB Ray Rice
Second-third round

My buddy saw Rice at a strip club in Toronto the night before he would play his final college game. So there's that.

7. T Jeff Otah
First round

Played under Dave Wannstedt so you know he’s adequately prepared for the pros.

6. WR Mario Manningham
Second-third round

A little slow, a little undersized, Manningham might regret his decision to leave Michigan early if doesn’t get drafted in the first two rounds.

5. QB Brian Brohm
Second round

Brohm was widely regarded as the best the best quarterback his age in the country from his junior year of high school to his junior year of college. Last season wasn’t great for Brohm of his Cardinals, but he’s still an accurate and productive passer.

4. WR Malcolm Kelly
Second round

Kelly is the best of the this year’s thin receiver class, but will likely fall out of the first round because of character issues. Remember, an immoral pass catcher is a productive pass catcher.

3. T-G Brenden Albert
First round

At worst: a Pro Bowl caliber guard.

2. RB Rashard Mendenhall
First round

The hometown kid is like the Anti-CedBen: While Benson carried the ball nearly 1,200 times in college, Shard didn’t even carry it 400 times.

1. T Ryan Clady
First round

It’s likely that Clady won’t fall past the Panthers at pick thirteen, but there’s some sediment that Angelo could trade up to get him.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Top Ten Bulls coaching candidates

With the recent firing or Jim "I say the same thing every press conference" Boylan came a process that we as Bulls fans have been entirely too familiar with: the coaching search. We've seen all walks of life the last decade helm our team. The college coaching prospect (Tim Floyd), the ex-Bull (Bill Cartwright), the drill sargeant coach (Scott Skiles), the ex-Bull 2 (Pete "1 Game" Myers) and finally the career assistant (Jim Boylan). We figured we would compile this list to give Pax a little help, even throwing in five honorable mention names to help him out.

10. Mark Jackson –
The former Knicks point guard is one of the most respected color commentators in sport today, and had a solid career with the Knicks. Jackson would be good for players like Kirk Hinrich and Ben Gordon because he played the guard position well for so long, but his lack of coaching experience hurts him. Plus there’s already rumors he will take the Knicks job after he quit his position at the YES Network. And what if he hires his older brother Troy, AKA Escalade from the And 1 series? Escalade and Joakim Noah would be out partying every night.

9. Dwane Casey – The former T-Wolves head man lasted merely a yeah and a half as a head coach, but has a respectable track record having coached under George Karl and Nate McMillan. He also had absolutely nothing to work with in Minnesota besides KG and could be okay in the right situation. Unfortunately I don’t see the Bulls being the right situation.
(Editor's Note*** Points were deducted from Mr. Casey because his name is spelled a weird way. We have a work colleague who hates it when people have uncommon names, so this one is for him. IF Dwane had a Y in his name as he should, he could have easily been #6 on this list. Tough luck Dwane... Hope you get some parents who are more adept at naming kids in the next life. )

8. Larry Brown – Everyone knows what Larry Brown has done and he does a tremendous job rebuilding teams and teaching players how to play the game (something Pax has emphasized in the coaching search) but he skips town so often its ridiculous. This guy is like the “deadbeat Dad” of coaching. He's been a coach at 12 different places. You remember Davidson, the tiny liberal arts college with Stephon Curry? Yeah Larry Brown actually was a coach there, for ONE SUMMER! That was his first head job, a sign of things to come.

7. Doug Collins – To his credit, Doug Collins is an above .500 career coach. But he’s probably better destined to be a color commentator than a coach. This guy rode Michael Jordan’s coattails worse than Juanita. Two of his three head jobs were because of Michael, and most of wins as well. I mean why are all of these color commentators getting interest for coaching and GM jobs? I don’t remember Matt Guokas getting this kind of love, and that guy was the man!

6. Jeff Van Gundy – Another color guy (sense a theme here) who is a former coach of the Knicks and Rockets, Van Gundy sounds great in the booth but is nothing more than an arm-chair coach. Jeff, if all of your “perfect advice” on situations worked so well than why is it your team filled with superstars have seasons filled with disappointment. Sorry for going all Jim Rome there, but it’s the truth.

5. Tom Thibodeau – Finally a coach! Thibodeau has been an NBA assistant for 18 years, most recently as the Associate Coach of the Celtics (side note: what the hell is the point of an Associate Coach compared to that of a normal assistant? What Tom gets to take over automatically if Doc gets thrown out? Or Tom gets to run practice when Doc goes to watch his son play at Georgetown while he loses me money on my NCAA pool? Sweet gig…) But back to Tom, it’s a bit alarming that he’s been an assistant for so long without a shot at a head job. To quote Human Giant, “IF it was going to happen to YOU, it would have happened BY NOW,” or in other words, the Jim Boylan principal.

4. Michael Curry – The Pistons assistant was an underrated NBA player who played great defense and was a floor general. He was also the leader of the Players Union, making him a respected figure in NBA circles. He’s only been a coach for a little while, but I would rather take a shot on a guy like Curry who has upside, than Thibodeau. Curry might not be the “sexiest hire” like the next three I will unveil, (and wait til you see the sexy photo of contestant number 3!) but he might be a good one.

3. Avery Johnson – Now obviously this is based on another first round exit from the Mavericks (which is entirely feasible), but Avery has shown he can coach. He’s criticized often for “over coaching” but a young (and dumb) Bulls team could use a guy who isn’t afraid to lead a team without constantly screaming at them. Avery is an unlikely hire, but you never know.

2. Paul Westphal – Westphal’s career is best described as “up-and-down” but I would like a guy like him to run the Bulls. Paul’s 1993 Suns team came very close to beating the Bulls, and he has a lot of experience dealing with all sorts of players with all sorts of issues. I mean the guy had to deal with Charles Barkley, the great womanizer that is Dan Majerle, the underage girl seeking Kevin Johnson, the human hamburger machine Oliver Miller and the coke head Richard Dumas and led them to the league’s best record. He’s got me sold.

1. Rick Carlisle – I’ve always liked the way Carlisle’s teams have played, and feel he ran into a lot of bad luck in Indiana. The former Pistons coach led them to back-to-back 50-32 seasons and has to be credited for bringing them back to relevance before he was fired in favor of Larry Brown. After joining the Pacers, Carlisle dealt with the Artest saga, tons of injuries and a total wimp of a star player (Jermaine O’Neal) and still rallied the Pacers to a six seed. Then he was once again forced to deal with an underachieving bunch of lunatics that didn’t suit him at all. I think for Carlisle’s track record he has to be priority number one.

Honorable mention:
Mike Breen – Candidate # 876 – Hell, the guy is on an announcing crew with two guys on this list, the had to have shown him a couple of useful inbounds plays or something.
Scottie Pippen – Candidate #15 – Ex-Bull, has wanted to get into coaching and is good with farming subsidies, but sucks at tipping.
Mike Fratello – Candidate #11 – "The Czar" has been decimated by MJ so many times that the United Center opening video of a Bulls stampede is his regular nightmare.
Tim Donaghy – Candidate #445 – Has good connections, knows how to win a game (for someone).
Isiah Thomas – Candidate #4,683,385,395 – He is good with women…. And managing teams… and handling the media….

To see Scott Phillips' ideal candidate

Monday, April 21, 2008

Top Ten Chicago suspensions

Last week Jim Thome was suspended one game for arguing balls and strikes which spurred this kinda cool idea.

10. Joakim Noah shooting a one and one

Rookie Noah’s one-game job for insubordination after going face-to-face with an assistant comes in at #10 on this list. But what really makes the list is when the Bulls as a team team decided to have him sit out one more game. That didn't make the locker room any more awkward. The entire team should have been suspended this season on account of sucking.

9. Foulke, Magglio, Parque suspension

The two-for-one fight night special occurred in April of 2000 for the White Sox. The first encounter brought out both teams onto the field, but it is the second one that fans remember. The rumble happened after Sox pitcher Jim Parque struck Dean Palmer with a pitch. Palmer came after Parque and devastation ensued. Magglio was given a five game suspension while bloody-faced Keith Foulke (needed five stitches under his eye) and Parque got three. A dozen more suspensions were given in total. After this, the franchise quickly changed their annual slogan to “These kids can fight.”

8. Lou Piniella’s tirade

Many had been questioning the Sweet Lou off-season acquisition, until June 2, 2007. Piniella went on a tantrum which included dirt kicking AND a hat kick. (unique-points were added for that) Lou served his four games and the Cubs made a complete 180, taking the easiest division in baseball by storm.

7. Jim Miller's Over-The-Counter experience

I kind of felt bad for Miller, who had kinda-sorta won the quarterback job after an ongoing position battle equivalent to King Kong vs. Godzilla. Ok, not really. But Miller did not look like the type of guy who was taking over-the-counter pills to bulk himself illegally. (Maybe he should have.) But like all Hollywood films, this ended with a happy ending as Miller would get the start in 2000.

6. Barrett pops AJ

During the second game of the 2006 Cubs/Sox series at Comiskey, Michael Barrett slid into home on a close play with AJ standing over him. Barrett got up and exchanged words with AJP and jacked the catcher in the face. (I can't imagine Pierzynski getting under anybodies skin) While Sox fans may have gotten the last laugh when Barrett was given a 10-game-suspension, the Cubs gained some mad street cred.

5. Ventura attacks senior citizen

While Bill James may have named Ventura the greatest third baseman of the ‘90s, many will remember him for going after the aging Nolan Ryan; and getting absolutely pummeled. Ryan put him in a headlock and proceeded to pound at his head, making him look like the young 20’s ballplayer as oppose the 40-year-old plus pitcher he was. Ventura’s two-game suspension was most likely spent recovering in the ER.

4.Tom Lysiak taking it out on the wrong guy

This is before my era many call birth, but when I read about this story on Sunday, I was shocked that this had not been talked about more, if not for its severity, then its humor. Lysiak, a Blackhawk during the 1983 season, had had enough of linesman Ron Foyt for one day. After Foyt pulled him away from a faceoff, Lysiak decided to take his stick and trip the ref. A mandatory 20 games was slapped on the center, and after much dispute, was served.

3. Rodman’s kick to groin

I talked about this incident last week, but there is no way it can be kept out of this list. While we discussed last week that for whatever reason, Rodman fell to the floor and decided to kick the cameraman in the groin for no reason and then refused to apologize. What I failed to mention was that his 11-game-suspension was, at the time, the longest in NBA history. That should have sent a message making his mind “tick before he kicks.”

2. Sammy’s BP bat

To many Chicagoans, this was Sammy’s last straw. During an inter-league match up against the mighty Devil Rays in early June, Sosa belted a swinging bunt that almost reached the pitcher, breaking his bat. Umpires checked the splintered bat and found a cork. While Sammy blamed it on it being his “batting practice bat” which he uses to entertain the crowd, it is difficult to forget that he ran from field to the dugout quicker than he ran down the baseline. Eight games did not serve justice to Wrigleyville.

1. Rodman’s head-to-face

While the Bulls were busy perfecting the best season by any NBA team, Rodman was busy showing the crowd his wrestling moves. In March of 1996, Rodman disputed a call and in his anger, headbutted the ref after being ejected. “91” walked straight off the court and immediately served his six games. I will never forget the horrified look on my Mom’s face when my brother asked for his jersey for Christmas.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Top Ten Bears sleeper draft picks

The Bears have had many draft steals over the years. Here's a look at the finest Bears draft sleepers of recent years. All of these players were taken in the third round or later.

Also please give a warm welcome to our newest contributor Danny Sheridan!

10. Warrick Holdman (1999, 4th round)

Remember back in 2001 when the Bears took the league by surprise by finishing 13-3 with a combination of Jim Miller/Shane Matthews at quarterback? It happened only because of a record setting defense, led by what most considered the best set of linebackers in the league. Brian Urlacher and Roosevelt Colvin got the most attention, but Holdman made quite a name for himself that year, finishing second on the team in tackles. Unfortunately, injuries plagued him much of his career, and Holdman left Chicago two years later and has never quite been the same.

9. Alex Brown (2002, 4th round)

At times, this guy plays like a Pro Bowler. Other times, he disappears completely from games. The same can be said for his up and down career at Florida, which is why he fell all the way into the fourth round. The Bears thought they were getting a huge steal when Brown was still on the board, and they’ve been right for the most part. He’s been a Pro Bowl alternate twice, and was a constant fixture on a dominating defense that carried the Bears to the Super Bowl. Getting benched by Mark Anderson before the start of last season turned out to be a big mistake in judgment by the organization, and Brown should have his customary right end spot all to himself come training camp this summer.

8. Mark Anderson (2006, 5th round)

Anderson broke onto the scene as a rookie, leading the team and finishing fifth in the league with 12 sacks despite being a backup. As a starter last season, things didn’t go nearly as well. With a year for offensive tackles to study his moves, Anderson’s production dropped dramtically, all the way down to five sacks. Still, there’s a lot to like about his future. No one would be too surprised if he turns into one of the league’s elite pass rushers in the next couple years. His quickness getting off the ball more than makes up for his smaller stature.

7. Bernard Berrien (2004, 3rd round)

It remains to be seen how much Jerry Angelo will regret not franchising Berrian and letting him go to a division opponent, the Minnesota Vikings. His speed and ability to catch the deep ball made him Rex Grossman’s favorite target. The Bears didn’t pony up the cash because they didn’t consider him a number one wide receiver. Although he’s never gone over the 1000 yard mark in a season, Berrian was always good for at least one highlight reel catch a game, and teams often had to overplay a safety on his side to take away the long bomb. Who will ever forget the one handed grab he made in the snow against New Orleans in the NFC title game?

6. Marty Booker (1999, 3rd round)

Mr. Consistency might be on his last legs, but the Bears certainly hope he’s got a little something left in him after reacquiring him this off-season. Booker had his break out season in 2001, catching 100 balls and scoring eight touchdowns. In the last four years with Miami, he’s gone over 50 catches just once, but he could succeed in a passing game that will emphasize shorter routes if Kyle Orton is quarterback. He’s not going to wow anybody with his speed, but Booker will go across the middle and make the tough catches.

5. Nathan Vasher (2004, 4th round)

A poor combine workout saw Vasher’s stock take a big hit, scaring most teams away. The Bears saw a guy who compensated for a lack of quickness with his playmaking ability, and they’ve been dead on. Quietly, Vasher’s turned into one of the best cover men in the league, despite missing most of last season with an injury. Two years ago, Vasher picked off eight passes, which earned him a Pro Bowl honor, where he added yet another interception. His self proclaimed nickname “the interceptor” seems appropriate enough. Along with Charles Tillman, the Bears may have the top set of cornerbacks in the NFC after Green Bay.

4. Kevin Butler (1985, 4th round)

I’m going old-school with this pick. Butler kicked before I really started watching the Bears, but I still remember my dad yelling at this guy whenever he missed a kick. As a rookie, he started on the 1985 Super Bowl team. In his 11 seasons with the Bears, Butler became the team’s all time leading scorer with 1116 points, easily surpassing the previous mark of 750 held by Walter Payton. For his career, Butler hit nearly 75% of his field goals tries. Rumor has it that back in 85, Butler called his fiancé from training camp and told her to reschedule their wedding because that was the same day of the Super Bowl that year.

3. Roosevelt Colvin (1999, 4th round)

After playing defensive end at Purdue, the Bears immediately turned Colvin into an outside linebacker. Taken just five spots after Holdman, Colvin parlayed his success in Chicago (back to back 10.5 sack seasons) into a big free agent deal with the Patriots in 2003. Two Super Bowls later, Colvin is now looking for a team once New England released him right after this past season. Bill Belichek often said that Colvin was the missing piece for his team’s defense in those Super Bowl years,

2. Olin Kreutz (1998, 3rd round)

Sure, he may be the most overrated, over hyped linemen in the game today, but you can’t argue with six straight Pro Bowl’s. He’s become the unquestioned leader of the Bears, and it’s possible he even could end up in Canton down the road. On a Bears team never known for its offense, Kreutz has been the one stabilizing force the past decade. Having been with Chicago two years longer than any other current player, Kreutz makes up for what he lacks physically with a mean streak that often leaves opponents whining to anyone who’ll listen. Many times, he’s been accused of being a dirty player, something Kreutz probably relishes.

1. Lance Briggs (2002, 3rd round)

Blame the fact that he played on the West Coast for an Arizona Wildcat team that won three games his senior year as the reason Briggs wasn’t noticed more. Outside of Urlacher, and maybe three or four others, Briggs has been as productive as anybody at his position the last five years. His stats won’t blow you away, mainly because of the Cover-2 defense the Bears run, but he would have been missed tremendously if Angelo let him walk this past February. People have said for a couple years that he may be even more important to the team than Urlacher. Whether it’s chasing down a running back to the sideline, or covering a tight end down the field, Briggs can do it all.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Top Ten Ozzie Guillen Rants

When Chicago White Sox skipper Ozzie Guillen announced last week that he had set aside $100k to pay for all of the fines he's expecting this year, nobody really seemed too surprised by it. The fiery South-Side manager has his fair share of run ins with MLB and doesn't really show any signs of slowing down.

So in honor of Ozzie's slush-fund, TTCS is giving you his Top Ten rants since he's become the pale hose's manager.


"If we win this year, I might run naked down Michigan Avenue like people expect me to."

Don't think I have to explain how frightened the city of Chicago is after hearing this.


"When you're fat and you're good, you're a strong guy...When you're fat and you're horse-shit, you're fat."

Ozzie talks about closer Bobby Jenks in 2006.


Good thing A.J. was a better actor in 2005 against the Angels when he was the only one in the country who thought that was a dropped third strike.


"What a piece of (expletive) he is, F-bomb-ing fag...He's garbage...He's always been garbage...and he will die a garbage."

This was Ozzie's response to Chicago's own Jay Mariotti.
TTCS does not agree with the views or actions of Ozzie, just merely pointing out how he's just out of his F-bomb-ing mind.


Priceless rant here. Ozzie called into a radio station and proceeded to go nuts on The Score's Mike North.


"Alex (Rodriguez) was kissing Latino people's asses...He knew he wasn't going to play for the Dominicans...He's not a Dominican! I hate hypocrites, he's full of (expletive)...The Dominican team doesn't need his ass...It's the same thing with (Nomar) Garciaparra playing for Mexico...Garciaparra only knows Cancun because he went to visit."

Ozzie's opinion on the World Baseball Classic.


"He has an enemy...Now he has a big one...He knows I can (expletive) him a lot of different ways...He better shut the (expletive) up and play for the Detroit Tigers...Why do I have to apologize to him? Who the (expletive) is Magglio Ordonez? Why ever talk about me? He doesn't do (expletive) for me."


"Who is Hill? That piece of (expletive) who pitched? Michael (Barrett) realized he was wrong...But that little (expletive) Hill, he should be in Triple-A."

Just after Barrett sucker punched A.J. Pierzynski and Hill's opinion about it during the Windy City series in 2007.


"If my kids were on the field, (they were) going to get their (expletive) kicked..What's Ozzie Jr. going to do? Eat somebody? One is a baby, one is too little...another one, the only thing he can do is eat somebody or drink somebody."

Even his own kids aren't safe from the wrath of a Guillen rant.


"Those ceremonies....'Oh, let's bring back those guys from 2005'...We're all crippled and (expletive) up, pushing wheelchairs, kids crying because his Dad was on the ballclub...(expletive) that...I don't need that bull...A bunch of fat guys, another one is broke...'Hey where's your ring?' Oh, I don't know, I sold that son of a bitch two years ago."

Ladies and Gentleman, Ozzie Guillen.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Top Ten Ugliest Chicago Moves

10. Adam Archuleta open field tackle

The ultimate matchup: Arch v. Ced Benson in the open field. The world may implode.

9. Kerry Wood delivering the slurve

When it was good, Kerry Wood could strikeout 20 guys with his slider-curveball combo. Unfortunately, the pitch made Wood's shoulder softer than Martin Havlat.

8. Juan Uribe swinging out of his shoes at a chin high fastball

No wonder Uribe can’t OBP anything better than .280. Pitchers can get him out without throwing a single pitch in the strike zone.

7. Keith Traylor wind sprint

Traylor’s 67-yard interception return against the Jaguars in 2001 may go down as the single funniest moment in Chicago sports history.

6. Kirk Hinrich trying to defend someone

2006-07 Second team All Defense? Ha, good one NBA. We all know there are lots (white) of (white) reasons (white) for (white) that (he's white!). Ron Santo has better lateral quickness.

4. Bob Probert trying to drive home after a night at the pub

Probie just edges out ‘Theo Fleury attending your local strip club’, because, you know, we love him.

4. Tyson Chandler free throw attempt

To prove how bad Chandler is at free throws, he edged out Dennis Rodman, Ben Wallace, and Joakim Noah to ‘earn’ this spot. Apparently catching alley-oops from Chris Paul is a little easier than hitting an uncontested 15-footer.

3. Scotty Pods throw home from deep left field

It was once said that Johnny Damon looks like Jesus and throws like Mary. If this is true, then Scotty Pods must throw like Mark Giangreco. (I heard Howard Sudberry has a cannon though)

2. Rex Grossman heave deep off his back foot

While it may be physically impossible to overthrow The Great Devin Hester, Marty Booker better get those huge hands ready for some signature Rex air mails next season.

1. Ben Wallace fadeaway

As a friend of mine once said, Wallace hitting one his patented fades, which he would attempt roughly three times per game, is like a 10-year old making a half court shot.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Top Ten Tag Teams (1985-1990)

As a child I would always have to hide from my mom whenever wrestling was on. She would run to whatever room I was in and turn it off. To my mom it was as bad as scrambled porn… maybe worse. So this list is a dedication to all the nervous nights I spent anxiously hiding from my mother. This is my Top Ten WWF Tag Teams of the 90’s.

10. The British Bulldogs

When you think of the British Bulldogs you think of Davey Boy Smith with his flamboyant bicep things that made you want to kill him. It also hurt his street cred that he was from Britain. But he did play a good clean-cut asswhipe that the crowd loved to hate.

9. Harlem Heat

Like the Bulldogs the Heat were represented by one man Booker T and whoever else was on his arm. This team set the record with ten titles. It also helps to wrestle for nine hundred years. I think Booker T is still chugging along in Mexico somewhere.

8. Money INC

Made up of legendary wrestler Ted DiBiase and resident douche Irwin R. Schyster (IRS). I always got made fun for liking these two by my friends but I was so impressed by IRS’ ability to where a tie and still stomp ass.

7. The Dudley Boyz

Easily the funniest combination of all time. Whenever you add a redneck racist and black dude it equals gold. They were the first blue collar TV before it got all-queer with Jeff Foxworthy. This team made wrestling enjoyable with a slight hint of racial awkwardness.

6. New Age Outlaws

Made up of Kip and BG James, these two dominated the sport for a while and eventually added the likes of many of the D-Generation X crew. At one point they were the third most popular people in wrestling behind the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Plus look at those tight shorts, how cant you root for that.

5. The Nasty Boys

Simply put Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags were fat and wore leather… You can’t go wrong with that combo.

4. Demolition

Made up of the three-way combo of Ax, Smash and Crush, this dynamic combination destroyed anyone that got in their way. Plus they wore face paint, which is only cool at a carnival and in the wrestling ring.

3. The Hart Foundation

Probably the most classic and well respected wrestler was Bret Hart. He teamed up with Jim Neidhart to form one of the best tag teams in the history of the WWF. They had it all, athleticism, size and sweet accents. They rocked as hard as men in leotards can.

2. The Steiner Brothers

When these two came out in their Michigan letterman jackets and their ear guards, my friends and I would loose it. Not because we like Michigan (hate them) but because they were a real combination of brothers that gave it their best and were two solid dudes that the crowd could relate to.

1. The Road Warriors/The Legion of Doom

Members: Hawk and Animal
They had spikes in their shoulder pads… is there anything else I need to say?

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Top Ten athlete/spectator confrontation

Over the years there have been plenty of fans, writers and spectators who have disagreed one way or another with players or management thoughts. Below are ten confrontations that got a little out of hand.

10. Jack Parkman vs. Cleveland Indian fans

Ok, so this is a TOTAL stretch but in "Major League II" David Keith played the beloved Indian slugger who was released midway through the year and signed with the AL West rival White Sox, where he was immediately despised by at Municipal County Stadium, or should I say Camden Yards. Nine more real confrontations will now follow.

9. Michael Jordan vs. Spike Lee

Mars Blackmon never had a chance. Any time Jordan stepped into The Garden, he not only had to step up to defeat the Knicks, but to shut Lee up. Lee always sat in his same court side seats, wearing the same goofy clothes, and the majority of the time the game ended with the same result, a Bulls win. You can’t endorse the shoe of the greatest basketball player ever and expect him to not to show you up. He should just make a film on all the times Jordan broke his heart and title it “Jordan from Mars,” a Spike Lee Joint.

8. Disco Demolition Night

This was not a true confrontation in a sense, but it will go down as one of the zaniest promotional stunts in history. Mike Veeck tried to take a page out from his Dad, Bill Veeck’s shenanigans, by joining forces with shock jock Steve Dahl. Between games of a doubleheader Dahl marched out in camo-gear and detonated a crate filled with disco records. Near-disaster ensued as fans jumped the fences and rioted on the field, resulting in the first forfeit in Major League history in years.

7. Antonio Davis vs. Bulls Fan

A day after the two month anniversary of “The Malice at the Palace” (The coolest name of any fight of all-time) Davis commemorated the brawl by jumping into the crowd at the United Center to defend his wife. While the incident was rather anti-climatic and the only ‘bow thrown was the one from the NBA, the same one that strapped Davis with a five-game suspension. (Which is unfortunate because that kid from Waubonsie Valley had it coming.)

6. Ozzie Guillen vs. Jay Mariotti

We all know Guillen has a wide vocabulary. But he may have barked up the wrong tree in July of 2006, when he called Mariotti, among other things, “a f*****’ fag.” The comments were made after Mariotti’s article regarding the demotion of pitcher Sean Tracey who did not continue the "beaning war" that had been going on during the series. Guillen would immediately apologize to the gay population, but not to Mariotti, who by that time had already shot in my eyes, the most awkward “Around the Horn” in the history of the show. When the topic “OZZIE” was the first spoken about, everybody in unison agreed with Jay’s thoughts, a first for “THE HORN”.

5. Dennis Rodman vs. Cameraman

Dennis Rodman is by no means humanitarian of the year-worthy, but his blow to Eugene Amos Jr.’s junior may have been a new low for the Cadillac of rebounding. On January of 1997 in a game in Minnesota, Rodman fell to ground during a loose-ball and wound up face to face with the cameraman. For whatever reason, Dennis proceeded to kick Amos in the groin, resulting in an 11-game suspension. The funniest part about this is that Rodman did not apologize but instead said “It’s one thing to be hurt, but don’t pretend your more seriously hurt than you are. Maybe I’ll send him some roses on the floor – Love Dennis.”

4. Kreuter vs. Cubdom

An infuriated Chad Kreuter ran into the stands at Wrigley in 1998 when his hat was stolen a fan who proceeded to runaway. No other words describe this incident better than melee, as Dodgers jumped the brick wall the way WWF wrestlers jump into a Royal Rumble. What looked like a kegs worth of beer was thrown at the LA pitchers, and in the end, fan Ronald Camacho came out the winner; of a $300,000 lawsuit courtesy of Kreuter, who literately choked out Camacho in the brawl.

3. Father/Son duo vs. base coach

Royals First base coach Tom Gamboa had no way of really defending himself from the tag-team known as the Ligue family, when they ran out onto the field during a game at Comiskey. The duo tackled Gamboa and started throwing punches. The Father, William, had apparently been at a Cubs game earlier in the day, and was too intoxicated to think. His son, a 15-year-old, (are you kidding me?) was sentenced to five-years probation and 30 hours community service.

2. Sox fan vs. umpire

As if it was not embarrassing enough, less than a season later, another idiot tries to run onto the field, this time attacking an umpire. But this fan had no chance. Laz Diaz, current ump and former Marine, straight up whooped his ass. “I’m physically ok… You should ask the other guy how he’s feeling,” said Diaz in a post game interview. I wish security would have just let them keep fighting, because there surely would have been a death on the field. Needless to say, I am glad justice was served, yet I could not feel more embarrassed about the duo of Sox fans incidents. This is like when I showed TTCS to my class, only to have Freddy’s Friday post showing. Then to do it again a week later, with Fred’s new post up.

1. Steve Bartman vs. Moises Alou

In a story that will live longer than the Billy Goat and Leon Durham, enter Bartman. During the eighth inning of Game Six of the NLCS, Steve, who was listening to something else on his headphones and clearly not paying attention to the game, innocently decided to reach up and go after a foul ball. You all know the rest. Bartman will never feel welcome to Wrigley again, which is unfortunate considering Moises Alou’s recent comments regarding the foul ball. “Everywhere I play, even now, people still yell, ‘Bartman! Bartman!’ I feel really bad for the kid… You know what the funny thing is? I would’t of caught it anyway.” So now he is folklore and hated in Cubdom because Alou didn’t speak up five years ago and say this. What a jerk. Alou probably could have made that play if he wasn’t 75-years-old. But as much as I would like to conclude bashing Alou, I think we all know who really should take blame for that debacle. Alex Gonzalez, you are forever off the Budweiser Hot-Seat.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Top Ten PGA Players Who Look Like They Should Be on the LPGA

Today marks the beginning of the single greatest golf tournament in the world. The Masters. Instead of doing the kind of list you would expect - best finishes, best shots, etc... - we decided to switch it up a bit and give you the Top Ten guys on the PGA Tour who look like they belong on the LPGA Tour.

10. Shingo Katayama

Shingo looks like a college girl that bought a $4 cowboy hat at Target for her sorority's Country and Western themed party.

9. Darren Clarke

Clarke's the kind of guy who would probably scold you for wearing white after Labor Day.

8. Rory Sabbatini

He's already Tiger's bitch, so.......

7. Luke Donald

Look, I like Luke Donald, but let's be honest.
In that outfit, throw on some high heels, one of those ridiculous Kentucky Derby-type hats on and put a glass of merlot in his hand and he's ready for a night out on the town with his sisters on the LPGA.

6. Colin Montgomerie

Not only does he whine like a girl, but I can guarantee you Monty has one of those cat sweaters with the fake fur on the front that he endlessly brags about.

5. Justin Rose

He's just so dainty, I feel like maybe he belongs on the cover of Seventeen magazine explaining why he's saving himself for that special someone.

4. Ian Poulter

I've got a hundred bucks on Michelle Wie once these two get into a cat-fight.

3. Johan Edfors

My girlfriend has that exact same skirt.

2. Camilo Villegas

You and I both know only a woman could get down in that position 18 times a day. This guy should be making Jenna Jameson type money.

1. Sergio Garcia

Despite the fact he looks like Curios George's owner - 'The Man in the Yellow Hat' - the girls would love him because he'd happily tag along on shopping trips and insist on being first to get a pedicure after a long day out on the links.

And more importantly, he might even win a tournament.

Olsen's Masters Pick: Tigger (Way to go out on a limb huh?)

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Top Ten NBA Draft Sleepers

Well since I'm really upset the Chicago Sky lost out on Candace Parker (no not really) I figured I would discuss the real NBA Draft which is coming up in June. Of course three of my season long sleepers (Russell Westbrook, Robin Lopez and JaVale McGee) are all getting the right amount of publicity now but here are ten others who should as well.

10. Russell Robinson
Hey if Chris Duhon and Chris Quinn can stay in the league then Robinson and his smothering on-the-ball defense has a shot. Granted he’s limited offensively (so is Duhon) and probably won’t get drafted but he’s as good as Duhon.

9. Pat Calathes
The older brother of Florida freshman stud Nick Calathes has flown under the radar until his senior season at St. Joe’s where his ball skills are starting to shine. Pat stands 6’11 but is able to put the ball on the floor like a guard because of a growth spurt in high school and college that helped him grow a foot. Using these point guard skills and perimeter abilities has given Calathes the ability to be a sleeper in June’s draft.

8. Kentrell Gransberry
The South Florida big man is an absolute stud on the boards and his wide body is tough to stop in the post. His lack of athleticism rings an alarm for some GM’s, but money and the draft is the ultimate motivator to shed the baby fat and hit the treadmill (look at Deron Williams). Anybody who can rebound as well as Gransberry will get some looks.

7. DeVon Hardin
The Cal center is ridiculously athletic, but sometimes has a hard time staying focused. He’s played solid games against big name players like Michael Beasley, and also had a supposed first round guarantee from the Pistons last year but chose to come back for a senior year. He’s a perplexing prospect who could move into the first round, but the lack of production in college will hurt him.

6. Shan Foster
Although probably a one-dimensional pro, the Vanderbilt senior is an unbelievable shooter who can knock down contested shots from anywhere. He’s also young for a senior (turns 22 in August) and has been in a ton of big games where he had great performances. Probably not an ideal first round pick, but Foster should crack a rotation as a shooter somewhere.

5. Kyle Weaver
Weaver came from the offensively slow Washington State program, but his offensive capabilities and intelligence are top notch. Similar to Alando Tucker and Mardy Collins, Weaver doesn’t put up big numbers, but knows how to play the game and will grasp the concept of an NBA offense, and be able to defend from Day 1. The big problem with Weaver could be his shot and how he is able to put up points, but he is crafty enough to figure it out.

4. Jason Thompson
One of my favorite college players, Thompson comes from a small conference team (Rider) but has big time abilities. His skills are phenomenal for a 6’11 player, but Thompson has problems using his abilities to create mismatches. He would be Don Nelson’s wet dream if a team like Golden State were able to get him. Nellie would throw him inside, and outside and probably have him play point (just kidding, but with Don Nelson, do you ever really know?)

3. Courtney Lee
Lee might be the best NBA senior prospect behind Roy Hibbert, but the silky smooth wing can score from a variety of places. His outside shot, his mid-range game and his penetration are all NBA ready and Lee put up great numbers despite being unselfish almost to a fault. Although Stephon Curry got all the headlines for leading Davidson to the Elite Eight (and rightfully so) Lee’s performance helped Western Kentucky reach the Sweet 16.

2. J.J. Hickson
J.J. is the most talented player on this list, but he is still being projected late first round or early second round. He has the talent to be a lottery pick, but played for a dysfunctional North Carolina State program where he seemed to clash with his coaches. I got a chance to watch Hickson first hand last year in the Roundball Classic practices and Hickson was able to dominate NBA darlings Kevin Love and DeAndre Jordan on a regular basis. Don’t be surpised if Hickson crawls up the board after workouts.

1. Lester Hudson
Ah yes, the ULTIMATE sleeper. I first found out about Hudson after he recorded the first quadruple double in NCAA Division 1 history in just his THIRD COLLEGE GAME. Hudson is a junior at Tennessee-Martin, but took a long time to get there after spending time playing street ball in Memphis and finally enrolling at a local junior college when he turned 21. Now the 23 year old fairy tale could very well be a first round pick after being in the top 10 in the nation in scoring, steals, and three-pointers. The 6-3 combo can score on anybody, has an uncanny ability in passing lanes (although he probably gambles too much), and shoots well from deep. You will probably hear Hudson’s story all over ESPN come draft time (if he declares, which is likely), but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Top Ten Chicago Theme Songs

There are songs that have some way become attached to Chicago's favorite sports franchises. Whether they were written specifically for the team or just happen to catch on for some reason or another, they strike a chord among Chicagoans and can bring back some of our fondest sports memories. So here are TTCS' Top Ten Chicago Theme Songs........

10. AC/DC - Thunderstruck - 2005 White Sox

The Sox use this song for their player introductions and during the 2005 World Series season, it became a permanent fixture in team history.

9. Whoomp There It Is - Tag Team - '93 Bulls

This one-hit-wonder hit it big when it was played after the Bulls won the 1993 NBA Championship.

What's scary is I can literally recite this song upon request, with or without music.

8. Be Like Mike - You Know Who - '92

We all wanted to Be Like Mike and this commercial came during the glory years of Bulls basketball.

7. Rock and Roll Part 2 - Bulls - Dynasty


6. Take Me Out To The Ball Game - Cubs

While it does play in ballparks across the country, Take Me Out to the Ball Game will always be a part of Cubbie lore thanks to one Mr. Harry Caray.

5. Super Bowl Shuffle - Bears - '85

The fact this team recorded the Super Bowl Shuffle before they actually even made it to the championship sums up how brash and cocky they were.

And Chicagoans loved every second of it.

4. Go Cubs Go - Steve Goodman - Cubs

The Cubbie fans sing along to this tune after every win. And Sox fans everywhere desperately reach for something to plug their ears with.

3. Don't Stop Believin - Journey - '05 White Sox

Corny? Absolutely. But this song will forever be tied to the team that brought this city its first World Series title in 88 years.

2. Bulls Intro Music

I still get goosebumps every single time I hear this song.

1. Bear Down Chicago Bears

"Baseball will divide this city, Football shall unite it."

In Chicago, a truer statement has never been made. The feeling of 61,500 Bear fans singing this track after a touchdown is something that cannot be put into words.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Top Ten DH's of all-time

Yesterday marked the 35th anniversary of Ron Blomberg stepping into the batters box as Major League Baseball’s first designated hitter. Today the position is used to cover up a defensive weakness, revitalize an aging veteran’s career, and most importantly take the fun out of watching a pitcher attempt to look average at the plate and substitute him with a guy who should hit 25-30 homers. Below is a list of the top ten guys who did it best.

10. Tony Oliva-

The former Twin was an aging superstar outfielder as the designated hitter position was coming into play in the mid- 70’s. While the twice runner-up for MVP votes and seven time all-star didn’t quite put up the numbers he did early on, he hit a respectable .275 as a DH with 41 homers in his final four seasons.

9. Rico Carty-

After a nine year career in the National League, he was traded to the Rangers in 1973 to play DH, where like Oliva, his numbers were starting to fade as quickly as his age. He did have eight solid years primarily in the AL, where he hit 83 homers and had a .284 average.

8. Jim Rice-

The Red Sox great spent the majority of his career as the designated hitter, and spent 1/3 of his 1978 MVP season at the position. Rice belted 98 homeruns and 350 RBI as a DH, but his .503 slugging percentage is probably the most impressive number for his time.

7. Don Baylor-

A lifelong DH, the former Cub skipper was one of the better to play the position. His 219 homers and 803 RBI give him the status he has. It is just too bad for Cub’s fans that he could not translate his playing career to his coaching.

6. Reggie Jackson-

Many could argue that he should be higher, and some could say he does not deserve to be on the list, but the six spot personally fits well. He spent roughly a fourth of his at-bats as a DH, where he managed to belt 101 homers and 328 RBI. His .227 average at the position shows why he leads the league in career strikeouts however.
Mr. October did not quite do the damage at DH that he did earlier in his career, but it’s just hard to leave a guy of his stature off.

5. Harold Baines-

My aunt’s favorite player of all-time, and the she is the one who gives me the majority of my tickets, so putting him on here was a must. But Aunt Margie is not the selling factor to get him on this; his numbers back him up just fine. DH’s before him were typically known as power guys and Baines revolutionized the spot as more of an on-base hitter. His .291 average and his .370 obp are both high numbers for the position. Not to mention he is one of the nicest guys in baseball.

4. David Ortiz-

The position is made for guys like this. A below-average first baseman, a move to Boston turned him into a superstar. Maybe the most clutch hitter in today’s game, Big Papi has the ability to take his team on his shoulders with one swing of the bat. The four-time all star has hit 265 homers and has a career designated hitter slugging percentage of .578, which is just ridiculous. His new Reebok’s are also worth looking at.

3. Frank Thomas-

The Big Hurt was just about everyone I know’s favorite player at one time in their life or another. While many on the list’s lifetime numbers begin to fade as they are getting to the DH position, the Hurt’s numbers have been rejuvenated the last few years. The introduction of Paul Konerko at first led Thomas to the hitter-focused role in 1998. While his average has faltered a bit since the move ten years ago, he still possesses a career .303 average and in 2006 at the age of 38 Thomas knocked out 39 homers and drove in 114 RBI, good enough for 4th on the AL MVP ballot.

2. Paul Molitor-

Paul Molitor was truly a special player, as he started every fielding position but catcher in his illustrious 20-year career. The lifetime .306 hitter played out the majority of it as a DH who could hit for both average and power. He spent years in Milwaukee and Toronto just killing the Sox.

1. Edgar Martinez-

When most think of a designated hitter, Edgar has to come to mind as one of the best. His career .312 average is phenomenal and he complimented that with 309 homeruns. His .532 DH slugging percentage was a must for that Mariner lineup considering all the walks Ken Griffey, A-Rod, and Jay Buhner created while hitting in front of Martinez.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Top Ten Low Points of the Bulls 2008 Season

After being picked by more than a handful of pundits nationwide to win the Eastern Conference, the Chicago Bulls layed an egg big enough to feed a small country. Nothing has gone right this season, and the forseeable future isn't looking too bright. Bloated contracts and egos are only the tip of the iceberg when it concerns the problems this team is faced with. So I like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how the Bulls made an entire city just not care.

10. The Contracts

Two of the Bulls supposed cornerstones of the franchise were entering the final year of their contract. Both Luol Deng and Ben Gordon were offered contracts considered decent in terms of monetary value, but the pair wanted more. Since they rejected GM John Paxson's offer, their seasons have been marred with injuries, inconsistent play and mediocrity.
(Photo courtesy of NBA)

9. Stumble Out of the Gates

The Bulls came out ice cold to start the season, going 2-10 to start when the schedule was as soft as TTCS favorite Martin Havlat. They lost games to the Raptors and Lakers by a combined 58 points.

8. Big Ben Turns Big Bust

The NBA, where overpaid, washed up hustle players earn a paycheck while doing absolutely nothing to help your team happens.

7. Kirk Hinrich Goes Kaput

After getting his payday last year, Hinrich followed up with a complete dud. He can't shoot consistently and simply cannot grasp the concept of trying to not foul in the most inopportune moments. Numbers wise, he's down in almost every statistical category, including points, assists, field goal percentage and three point percentage. Way to earn that paycheck buddy.

6. Joakim Noah Goes Stupid

Noah was being thought of as the spark in the huddle this team needed during the long 82 game season. However, they weren't expectin him to get into a expletitive laced tirade with an assistant coach. He was suspended by the front office for a game, and then the players decided to tack on another for good measure. Growing pains indeed.

5. Duhon Goes AWOL on National TV

Let's see. You're struggling to crack the team's starting rotation and have a new coach that preaches the idea of earning your minutes every chance you get. So Duhon did what every normal person would do. He chartered a jet to go see the North Carolina-Duke game, got back to Chicago in the wee hours of the morning and overslept the next day. To make matters worse, he never told the team he was going to the game. They found out when they saw him on camera at the game. Gotta love those 'high character' guys Paxson raves about so much.

4. The Hot Garbage Trade

Paxson waited so long to pull the trigger on the plethora of deals on his table during the season, he settled on giving up Ben Wallace and Joe Smith to the Cavs in exchange for Drew Gooden and Larry Hughes. There were a couple of other pieces in this deal, but it doesn't matter. It was basically garbage for garbage and further exemplified why this team will sit in the cellar for some time to come.

3. Nocioni Lets Loose

Most people see Andres Nocioni as the solid, dependable, hustle and hard-working player designed to fit into the John Paxson idea of building a team. Yet, Nocioni went insane on the sidelines in a recent contest, forcing interim head coach Jim Boylan to send him to the locker room and hand out another suspension. Noce is the last guy I ever expected to see something like that from.

2. Skiles Goes Home for Good

After trying desperately to get a group of young, talented kids to play team oriented basketball with attention to defense, Skiles got the ax. Adding insult to injury, Pax dropped the hammer on Skiles on Christmas Eve. This team is all class.


I'm not going to spend too much time here so listen up.

All of you out there who didn't want Kobe Bryant on the Bulls, please admit to all of your friends that you know nothing about sports and deserve this hell hole of a team that won't be winning a championship anytime in the next five years.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Top Ten Chicago Sports Sissies

Dedicated to the guys that are always hurt…

10. LF Scott Podsednik, White Sox

While most athletes strive to be known for their toughness, Pods seems perfectly satisfied that his legacy is having a hot wife.

9. RB Cedric Benson, Bears

Um, he’s rushed for more career yards than Curtis Enis. So he’s got that going for him.

8. F Eric Daze, Blackhawks

Daze may not be durable, but at least he’s intelligent...

7. QB Rex Grossman, Bears

The last two years, injuries haven’t been Grossman’s problem. It’s been that whole ‘throwing the ball to the other team’ thing.

6. 3B Joe Crede, White Sox

No word yet if back injuries make you swing repeatedly at high fastballs out of the strike zone.

5. G Jay Williams, Bulls

“I mean, he's really 'always' injured” –Matt Olsen

4. S Mike Brown, Bears

Unlike everyone else on this list, it hurts making fun of Brown. It’s a shame he’s always injured; the Bears are so much better with him on the field.

3. P Mark Prior, Cubs

Apparently having ‘perfect mechanics’ means your right shoulder is made of glass.

2. F Martin Havlat, Blackhawks

Even Patrick Kane thinks Havlat is a wuss.

1. P Kerry Wood, Cubs

In our next list, Top Ten pitchers who have had their careers ruined by Dusty Baker, Wood may take the top spot again. Don't worry Cubs fans, it could be worse. At least your closer isn't Eric Gagne.

Top Ten John Daly Quotes

In honor of April Fools Day, we decided to honor America's favorite fool: John Daly. Daly has always been a fan favorite, and he has always had some of the craziest quotes in all of sports. The beer chugging, chain smoking, womanizing, Hooters loving Golfer is a true character. Here are ten of the best quotes we could come up with (along with ten of the best photos we could find of him).

10. (About his future wife) "She said, 'I don't like blonds and I don't like golfers, but I do like fat boys.' So I knew I had a chance."

This kind of attitude is what makes John Daly awesome. I wonder if he met her at Hooters?

9. “I quit eating the (junk), ...Two hundred is my goal.”

We all know that THIS never came to fruition.

8. “It's gonna be grease, I'll tell ya that. I love Hooters.”

This is a quote that John Daly said when asked what he would serve for the Masters dinner. Somewhere, Fuzzy Zoeller is cringing.

7. “My wife tried to stab me.”

It’s funny cuz it’s true.

6. “I tried but every time I worked out I threw up, and I thought to myself that you can get drunk and throw up, so it's just not for me, I'd rather smoke, drink Diet Cokes and eat.”

For a man who smokes and drinks so much Diet Coke, you would think Daly would be slightly skinnier.

5. "I look at those girls who work at Hooters as my daughters," Daly said. "I love to see little baseball teams come in there and eat wings, and coaches are happy because they won. That's what I see in Hooters. I don't see the [expletive] everyone else sees."

John has four children (that we know of) and hundreds of puppies. (Sorry that bad joke was too good to pass up).

4. “Well, it's a tie and jacket and I just don't travel with one, ... You're not going to put a coat and tie on me for dinner. I'm just being honest. Plus, the wives can't go and I'd rather see the wives be able to go instead of just all the guys. That makes it fun.”

John Daly at his best. He doesn’t travel with a suit in the RV he travels in? I strongly dislike MTV, but if they want me as a fan they will do the right thing and do an MTV Cribs of John Daly’s touring RV.

3. "I believe nicotine plus caffeine equals protein."

John should be a scientist. This is just brilliant.

2. "I don't think I've ever stepped into a gym - they won't let me smoke there. I just thank God Miller Lite isn't as fattening as most beers. If I cut back on beer, though, I'd look anorexic."

There needs to be a gym that allows smokers and beer drinkers for people like John Daly. I mean everyone has tried to play some kind of sport while hammered, right? By the way, Miller Lite is really missing a golden opportunity by not using John Daly as a spokesman. He could be like the Jared for beer drinkers.

1. "When my [fourth] wife was in jail, I parked my bus at Hooters in Houston and my son didn't want to go to day care. He just wanted to be at Hooters. And I feel safe about that."

This quote is unbelievable on every level. He mentions his fourth wife, his love of Hooters, (who also sponsors him) and his young son prefers Hooters to daycare (smart kid, but ridiculous parenting). I am very curious to see how Daly’s kids turn out.

There have you have it folks, John Daly at his finest. A true American hero. What a guy.